somehow despite doing practically nothing until well after three in the afternoon (and we didn't even sleep in all that late this morning... might have had something to do with the hour and a half catch up phone call with younger sis...) i still managed to get two loads of laundry washed and dried - though not yet folded, my herb jars filled, a very good supper made, a batch of sourdough bread proofing (hehe more on that later), and breakfast for the morning soaking (bread pudding using saved loaves of french baguette from the market and cultured buttermilk bartered from the lovely mrs. lee - mmmm, yum). i feel almost accomplished... and there are still 40 mins of today left! :)

i think i'll cuddle up next to my dear husband and watch the rest of Charlie Rose's interview with Thomas Friedman. very very interesting stuff.

over the past week i've found myself lacking motivation in the mornings. i don't particularly want to do anything - even to the point of not eating... it's not that i'm particularly bluesy or down (though that happens too); i simply do not feel an urge to so this or that or the other thing. so i end up puttering around the house, half doing things - filling the water filler pitcher and then wandering off before i pour it into the kettle to make tea - beginning to sort laundry or clear off the kitchen table and stopping half way to wash up the dishes (those at least i can usually finish off...until i remember to eat something and make more dishes...).

i think it's because i don't have supper at home anymore. my new work schedule has me working closing shifts at the market so i'm there until at least 8pm most days a week. Geoffrey's home by 6-ish and, since he works 10hr days, i don't expect him to wait for me to eat ('sides which i usually eat while at work). before i started this job, my home life pretty much revolved around food: finding new recipes, getting what we needed from the store, making it in all of its various stages (basic cookery, fermenting, soaking, sprouting, baking) and most importantly, eating and sharing it with my husband. suppers weren't always fabulous (often we were both too tired to talk much), but they were important to me as a time to share with the man i love and rounded out and fulfilled all of the work and time that went into getting the food on the table. and now, since that time to eat together has been removed, the rest of the process doesn't seem as worthwhile. we did go and get a crock pot last week, so i can still have food prepared for my hard working man. but it somehow doesn't have the same appeal... granted i'm still getting used to this new schedule and figuring out how to fit home life around it, so this is likely to smooth out. but it is in a way surprising how much it's affecting me.

perhaps now that i've sat down and thought it out (i'd had inklings as to why this new arrangement was bothering me but hadn't quite worked it out) a bit more effort on my part to get on with the basics will supplement for my lack of motivation... so off with me to the grocery for milk.

housekeeping

so i've finally done something different with the page... i put it off for a good long time but i think it now reflects my life a bit more... and maybe that will give a bit of extra incentive to scribble on it... we'll see

part of the reason that i have neglected it is that i don't really know what to use it for anymore... in the past it was my catharsis... and really the only length of time i regularly wrote was during a stretch when i needed catharsis... so what about now? it seems like the need to share stuff with the whole wide world has been pretty well filled by TFB... and the element of anonymity has at this point pretty much vanished (*waves* hi mom)... so what is the point now... i mean we're all busy right? work and home-life does a pretty good job of filling up the hours and minutes... do you still write? or have you relegated yourself to the number of observers? perhaps it was the desire to move from observer to do-er that was at the real root of my initial interest in scribbling to this electronic page... perhaps that same desire is drawing me on again... perhaps it will stick around for a bit again...